I Could Complain, but… Creamy Penne Pasta with Bacon and Parmesan (Gluten and Dairy Free!)

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Dear Joey,

I used to have the luxury of feeling my way through dinnertime, meaning I could figure out what everyone was in the mood for, cross reference that with what we had on hand and poof — homestyle meals like Chicken Pot Pie or Kid Friendly Cassoulet graced our table. They were difficult, but I had time for difficult in those days.

The middle school years demand I approach dinner differently. Time is short because of all the activities, and our schedules are scattered: If I don’t have dinner prepped and/or cooked by 6:00, I’m sunk. Those are the days we usually eat sandwiches or make a Chick-Fil-A run.

This week has been particularly nutty. It’s show week at the girls’ middle school, and since they’re cast members of the musical, final dress rehearsals and opening night call times dictated dinnertime. Plus, EJ still had taekwondo and finished up his fall baseball season, and Mia got an ear infection. Knowing what was coming (for the most part, at least), I cooked ahead: I had Porcupine Meatballs and Chicken and Wild Rice Soup ready and waiting, and I had plans for this quick pasta.

From start to finish, Creamy Penne Pasta with Bacon and Parmesan takes 20 minutes. I love that about it. It’s gluten and dairy free, but distinctly not vegan tasting, like a lot of dairy free creamy dishes are. (Maybe the bacon helps with that. Bacon is, after all, most certainly not vegan.) I also love that it doesn’t have to be gluten or dairy free. Folks who can have wheat noodles can use those, and dairy-based cream cheeses and parmesan cheese shreds work just as well. So flexible! And goodness, I need more flexible in my life.

Sometimes I still get mad that I have to cook with different ingredients. On nights when life is hard, dinner shouldn’t have to be. I get stressed and snippy and have to remind myself that even though my kitchen is complicated, it’s well-stocked, and we’ve got plenty of recipes on rotation that taste really, really good. I could complain, but … gluten and dairy free creamy penne with bacon and parmesan reminds me there really isn’t a point in complaining. It doesn’t change our circumstances, but it sure makes them worse.

When I get this way, I remind myself about how the Israelites grumbled when they were wandering in the desert. They missed the food they were used to, and in so doing they missed the miracle of the manna. They ate the limited menu God provided, but it’s significance didn’t sink in.

I don’t want to live that way. I want to be grateful for alternative option that fills our table. It’s a gift — a grace — to have it. And I’m thankful.

EJ scooped noodles into his mouth last night, telling me he thinks pasta with bacon was a good idea. I agreed wholeheartedly. It might not be what we’re used to, but it’s a miracle all the same.

Remember all the flops we choked down in the early days of dairy free cooking? Sheesh. This delicious, easy dish is a gift to us all indeed.

Creamy Penne Pasta with Bacon and Parmesan (Gluten and Dairy Free)

Admittedly, I was too pressed for time last night to get a picture of the dish when it was freshly made, so the images here are of leftovers. (Sigh.) But the sauce is creamy and comforting when it’s fresh off the heat — a delicious reason to gather around the table before we all go our separate ways for the evening. Pair it with a bag of frozen broccoli or canned green beans and boom — it’s faster than making sandwiches or a run to Chick-Fil-A.

Ingredients:

1 pound gluten free penne (Banza brand chick pea penne or Aldi’s brown rice and quinoa penne are a great choice)

2 cups chicken broth

1 – 8 oz. tub Trader Joe’s vegan cream cheese (use another brand if you want to, but Trader Joe’s brand tastes less “vegan-y.” It’s my favorite.)

1 cup Trader Joe’s vegan parmesan style shreds (because, again — it tastes the least “vegan-y.” As an alternative, you can use Follow Your Heart vegan parmesan style shreds)

1 cup real bacon crumbles

2 Tablespoons starch (corn, potato or tapioca starch work best) mixed with 2 Tablespoons cold water

4 teaspoons onion powder

2 teaspoons garlic powder

1 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon (or more, to taste) ground black pepper

1 teaspoon white vinegar

Method:

  1. Boil the pasta according to package directions. Drain and set aside.
  2. In a large saucepan or dutch oven, melt the cream cheese over medium heat and whisk until soft and smooth.
  3. Add the seasonings (onion powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper) and stir.
  4. Add the chicken broth and vinegar; whisk until combined and smooth.
  5. Bring to a boil: Add the starch slurry and whisk until sauce begins to thicken.
  6. Add the parmesan cheese and whisk until completely melted and combined.
  7. Add the cooked and drained pasta and bacon crumbles to the sauce. Toss the pasta with the sauce until the noodles are evenly coated. Serve immediately.

Dessert First, and Cinnamon Glazed Apple Cider Donut Cake

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Our dishwasher died yesterday afternoon, right as I was in the middle of making Cinnamon Glazed Apple Cider Donut Cake.

It was a beautiful fall day and I couldn’t help but daydream about apple cider donuts. I wanted to pile everyone in the car and head down to the local cider mill instead of filling the sink with soapy water to scour the pots and pans from the previous night’s dinner while I waited for the dishwasher to finish its current load.

I don’t know who I was kidding: We couldn’t make a donut run anyway. EJ and I would have had to sip on hot apple cider and watch the three of you enjoy donuts while we sulked. Baking a cake-version at home seemed like an easy idea — until the dishwasher died.

When it happened, it wasn’t a surprise: We saw the signs it was dying for several weeks. I was mentally preparing for the day it would finally go kaput, but I didn’t imagine it would be on a day the sink would be overflowing with dishes leftover from dinner the previous night, plus messy batter bowls and cake pans. I spent the afternoon washing dishes by hand, thinking about how fitting it was that it finally slipped away in fall, because fall is when things die.

We don’t think about that very often, do we? Instead, when we think of fall, we think of the burnished trees that wave at us from our window. The striking color makes us catch our breath, and as we look, we linger, marveling over how glorious the firey leaves look. We cozy up in flannel shirts and traipse our way through the pumpkin patch, soaking in the sights and smells of autumn: nature’s last hurrah before winter weather snuffs out its glow.

Fall makes me think of loss, always, and this year the sting is a little bit stronger. There’s been a lot of loss in our community this year, and personally, we both lost grandmothers this year. Even though we knew those hard days would come didn’t make it any easier when they actually did.

I held Grandma Teague’s hand during the last weeks of her life. She couldn’t say much by then, and by the last time I sat with her, she whispered, “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know what she was sorry for exactly, but I know enough about my grandma that she didn’t like having folks fuss over her. She was small in stature, but fierce in spirit, and that woman served others until well after her body forced her to stop.

I squeezed her hand and smiled as tears slid quietly down my cheeks, telling her she had nothing to be sorry for, that it was ok to let herself really rest now. I reminded her of how when I was little, she would lay next to me and hold my hand while I fell asleep, reassuring me that I wasn’t alone. I was scared to be by myself in that dark room, but her hand reassured me I was safe. Now it was my turn to do the same for her.

I held her soft, now-gnarled hand, the one that raised kids and taught school and cooked meatballs and baked tea rings and folded laundry and gave the best hugs. The one I watched curl with age; the one I miss holding as we sit and chat about life and what my own kids are up to lately.

Oh, how I want to go visit her and bring her a slice of the Apple Cider Donut Cake I managed to make in the middle of yesterday’s mess and laugh with her about how the dishwasher went out right when I needed it most. “Isn’t that always the way?” she’d say. I would have laughed and agreed, then admit it ended up being a happy problem because Addie jumped in and dried clean dishes as I washed the dirty ones. She’s old enough to be a real help to me now, and I’ll always remember how even though those dishes took a whole lot longer to get cleaned up and put away than they would have if the dishwasher was working, Addie and I got to spend time together talking, just the two of us, and we talked about Grandma and how many dishes her hands washed over the years. I retold the story everyone knows by heart about how she and her sister sang while they scrubbed when they were young girls.

Addie and I didn’t sing as we scrubbed, but my heart was soothed knowing that even though things aren’t the way they “should” be (there’s death and disease, heartache and frustration), there’s a whole lot of good right here, right now. Someday these will be the days Addie tells her grandchildren about. Life keeps moving forward, come frustration, fear, disaster, and even death. The people left behind keep living, and that’s the way our loved ones would want it.

It wasn’t the same as going down to the cider mill and getting a fresh donut from the country store, but it was good just the same. We sliced it up and served it at our small group, and it was really, really good — exactly what I had been dreaming of. It was sweet, spicy and everything an apple cider donut should be.

We had dessert first last night, because it felt right. Grandma always said that was the proper way to eat it, so I’m sure she would have been proud of us. (I can almost hear her say, “Good girl.”)

Cinnamon Glazed Apple Cider Donut Bundt Cake

I based this recipe on my vegan, gluten free apple cider donut recipe, but adjusted it to make it work as a full-sized bundt cake. I panicked that it would fall apart, so I added an egg to this version, but I bet it would work beautifully with egg replacer (Bob’s Red Mill is still my favorite). You could even use regular all purpose flour instead of all purpose gluten free flour blend if you aren’t gluten free. But whatever you do, don’t skimp on the glaze. It takes the cake from good to great!

Wet Ingredients:

1 cup applesauce

3/4 cup spiced apple cider

1/2 cup neutral oil (use what you like best)

1/2 cup light brown sugar

1 egg

1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

Dry Ingredients:

2 cups all purpose gluten free flour blend (such as Namaste)

2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

1 teaspoon ground ginger

1 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg

For the Glaze:

  • 3/4 cup powdered sugar
  • 2-3 Tablespoons original, unsweetened non-dairy milk (or regular milk)
  • 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
  • dash of salt

Method

  1. Preheat the oven to 375°F. Grease and flour a bundt pan.
  2. In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the wet ingredients.
  3. Add the dry ingredients, then whisk until fully combined.
  4. Pour batter into the prepared pan and bake for 30 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. The cake should spring back when gently touched as well.
  5. Let the cake cool down on a wire rack for about 15 minutes, then invert it, removing it from the pan. Let it cool completely.
  6. Make the glaze: Whisk together glaze ingredients until smooth. Start with 2 tablespoons and add another tablesppon if the glaze seems too thick. Pour over cooled cake. The glaze will set as it sits.

Handling Halloween with Special Medical Needs

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Dear Joey,

Ready or not, here comes Halloween. Again.

Last year the kids looked so big and grown up that I couldn’t believe they actually wanted to trick or treat. Addie went out on her own with friends. So did Mia, for that matter. We trudged through the neighborhood with EJ and realized we’re heading into a new season of learning how to handle the scariest parts of Halloween — namely, letting kids grow up.

And now they are another year older, making plans and coming to terms with the fact that they don’t really like Halloween either. (Except for EJ. EJ still counts on it to replenish his annual candy stash. Someday he’ll grow out of that, right?) The one good thing about it this year is it’s not freaking me out like it used to. Remember when I wanted to just stay home and avoid the trick or treating hoopla altogether, watching Alfred Hitchcock movies and eating pumpkin chili? (Well, let’s be honest: I still want to do that.)

We’ve done the food allergy parent thing for more than 10 years now, and while I still don’t love Halloween, I’m not afraid of it like I was at the beginning of this food allergy adventure. I’m sharing about how we learned to handle Halloween with special medical needs over at the IG Living blog today. As a staff writer and editor for IG Living Magazine, I get to share stories from our life and lessons we’ve learned about living with special medical needs (food allergies in particular for us) with countless other families who live with similar circumstances.

Want to check it out? Here’s the link .

Here’s to a safe and happy Halloween!

From Lazy to Productive and the Easiest Healthy Homemade Granola Ever

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Dear Joey,

You may have noticed I got a little lax in the kitchen last year.

It’s a paradox, really — because truth be told, I’ve been busier than ever this past year. But I got lazy in the kitchen because life got chaotic. Going back to working full time meant I didn’t have nearly as much time in the kitchen as I used to have, and I leaned on easier foods for far too long.

But easy is expensive. Easy saves time, but it comes with a high cost. The grocery bill went up and so did our consumption of pre-made, processed foods that we hadn’t leaned on in years. Unhealthy snuck into our allergy-friendly kitchen, and before long, I knew things had to change. I started weeding out the worst offenders and stocking the cupboard with cleaner items. For the most part, you’re all on board.

But you bought a bag of granola the other day. It wasn’t gluten free, and it had all kinds of “may contain” notes on it that made it safe for only you or Addie to eat, but I didn’t protest or try to twist your arm to let me make homemade granola instead because it was easier to buy a bag than to make a mess in the kitchen. Outwardly, I smiled at you, telling you to buy whatever you wanted, but inwardly I was frustrated that the granola was laden with allergens and ingredients that just plain weren’t healthy for you, or for anyone, really.

We’re not the only family dealing with the tricky balance of stocking our pantry with healthier food options (like sprouted gluten free rolled oats and raw almonds) and feeding hungry kids who have strong opinions about what they want to eat (like Fruity Pebbles and potato chips). Cleaning out the junk and retraining ourselves to eat better-quality foods is a process, and it is really, really hard!

But this gluten free, homemade healthy granola is easy — and for busy, overwhelmed families that need an easy option? It’s a miracle.

This granola reminds me that easy and healthy can be combined into one delicious, nourishing recipe that’s doable amidst even the busiest, most chaotic schedules. Stir together simple ingredients, slip the mixture into the oven and work on other things while you wait. It’s a way to be lazy, productive and healthy all at the same time, and these days? I’m all about that.

Plus, it tastes so good that I bet I’ll get you on board with homemade again, too.

The Easiest Granola (Top Allergen Free option!)

This homemade granola is a cinch. Some recipes require a lot of babysitting and stirring, but not this one — slip it into the oven, then forget it’s there until the timer goes off. I came up with this basic recipe as a framework to follow, but it’s flexible enough so you can make it however you like it. Customize the recipe with the nuts and/or seeds you like best (or a combination of them) — we like using raw almonds. Use whatever liquid sweetener and oil you prefer. If you want to add dried fruit (such as raisins), mix a cup into the granola after it has cooled completely and before storing in an airtight container.

Ingredients:

6 cups gluten free rolled oats

1 cup chopped raw, unsalted nuts (such as raw almonds) or large seeds (such as pumpkin seeds)*

6 Tablespoons chia seeds (optional. Omit if desired.)

¾ cup oil (such. as olive oil or coconut oil)

¾ cup liquid natural sweetener of choice (such as honey, agave syrup or maple syrup)

1 Tablespoon pure vanilla extract

1 ½ teaspoons salt

* If no nuts or seeds are desired, increase oats by 1 cup instead.

Method:

  1. Preheat oven to 275°F.
  2. Line two large baking sheets with parchment paper.
  3. Mix the dry ingredients: In a large bowl, combine oats, nuts or seeds and chia seeds (if using).
  4. Mix the wet ingredients: In a small bowl, whisk together oil, sweetener, vanilla extract and salt until well-combined.
  5. Pour wet ingredients over dry ingredients; mix until evenly coated.
  6. Divide raw granola mixture into two parts: Put half on one prepared pan and half on the other and spread the mixture into an even layer.
  7. Put pans into the preheated oven for one hour.
  8. After one hour, turn the oven off, slightly open the oven door, and let the granola rest for 15 minutes inside the still-warm oven.
  9. After 15 minutes, remove the pans from the oven and let the granola cool completely.
  10. Break up the granola into clusters and store in an airtight container.

Prefer to print? Grab your free, downloadable copy here:

The Easiest GranolaGet the recipe!

person covering her face with ice cream on cones

How to Stay Stay Cool This Summer (When Food Allergies Make You Sweat)

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Ah, summertime: the lazy days full of sunshine, spontaneity, and scoops of ice cream—unless you’re a food allergy mom like me.

When school winds down and heat ratchets up, I start to sweat in more ways than one. Camp is complicated. Swimming pools are suspicious. Vacations are vexing. Parties are problematic. And don’t get me started on ice cream cones. With all our allergies around here, ice cream is virtually impossible. For families like mine managing life-threatening food allergies, summer is anything but carefree.

food hands summer sweet
Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Food.is.everywhere, so allergens are everywhere too. Allergy families have to say no to so many “normal” things just to keep our kids safe. We end up missing out on time-honored traditions of summers gone by, like eating funnel cakes at the fair or sharing s’mores around a campfire. We modify things, of course, but we wish we didn’t have to. Our kids feel like they’re missing out on all the fun. Shoot–we do too, if we’re honest. It’s hard, and it hurts.

But—I’ve learned the secret to making summer every bit as awesome starts with me. Instead of letting summer get me down, I set up C.A.M.P. first and nurture a joyful heart there. Here’s how I do it (and how you can do it too):

Cultivate New Traditions

Make peace with your can’t, then get creative with your can. Make an event out of everything! Invite friends over for snow cones to celebrate the last day of school. Organize an epic water balloon fight. Let your kids stay up late catching lightning bugs in painted glass jars (and ask your neighbors to join you). Treat the neighborhood to patriotic popsicles on the 4th of July. Churn a batch of ice cream at home on national ice cream day and let your kids build their own safe sundaes. Repeatedly do what works with a happy heart, and over time summer won’t be the same without your traditions.

ice cream on ceramic plate
Photo by Jill Wellington on Pexels.com
  • Address Your Own Assumptions

What silent assumptions do you make about what your allergy family can and can’t do? Before making plans (or passing up opportunities), ask yourself how you subconsciously expect others to meet your unique needs. Do you avoid certain situations because you don’t think they will be allergy friendly? Are you surprised and offended by signs that say, “no outside food”? What do you wish your kids could do, but aren’t really sure if it’s safe for them?

Don’t assume your family can do everything, but don’t assume they can’t do anything, either. Ask yourself what assumptions you make about how others will (or won’t) adjust to accommodate allergies, then adjust your own expectations accordingly. Ask questions, make reasonable requests. You’ll be surprised how often people are willing to help. And remember: focus on the fun, not just on the food.

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Photo by Juan Salamanca on Pexels.com
  • Model Contentment

Missing out on summer activities is a bummer, for sure—but when you’re upset about it, your kids will be upset about it too. Instead of dwelling on disappointment, get outside and make the most of what you can do, then do it with an upbeat attitude. Be gracious as you go. Say thank you when people make accommodations for you. Remember the good things you have and take time to really enjoy them. When you model contentment, your kids learn to be happy with what they have, too.

girl hugging a woman sitting on a picnic blanket
Photo by Kampus Production on Pexels.com
  • Practice Hospitality

When you can’t join the fun elsewhere, invite the party to your place. Make your house a place to show off how awesome allergy life can be. Ask others about their allergies: make it a normal part of your invitation process and others will start doing that, too. Open your doors wide; grill hotdogs at home; pass around popsicles; build a fire pit and roast marshmallows; show a movie under the stars. Be generous with what you have and welcome others to come along for the ride. Your warmth and welcome will motivate others to make their home a safe spot for you, too.

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Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

When the heat is on, it’s hard to stay cool–especially when food allergies force us to miss out on some of the best parts of summer. But when we choose joy and set up C.A.M.P. right where we are, summer really is sweet again. New traditions keep us calm enough to take advantage of lazy, loose schedules and make the most of what we have. Adjusting our expectations empowers our minds and protects our hearts. Creating our own brand of fun creates a grateful spirit in us—and inviting others along for the ride makes everything more enjoyable for everyone.

No, food allergy life still is not easy, and making summer safe and memorable takes a lot of intentional effort. But the work is absolutely worth it.

How We Deal with Oral Food Challenges, and the Vegan, Top Allergen Free Chocolate Cookie Dough that Helps Us Cope

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Food isn’t the answer to everything, but chocolate helps. It always, always helps. When it comes to tackling an oral challenge, chocolate is my best defense. (Well ok, chocolate and lots of prayer.)

Oral challenges are scary. Anxious thoughts and all kinds of What if’s? dance our heads dizzy. In the nerve-wracking times when we face challenges head on, we need something familiar to help us cope. Bringing items along that boost our confidence and bring us comfort us is key. For our family, this includes giving God our worries, standing on His promises, bringing a fully-charged iPad, and eating this vegan, gluten free, top allergen free chocolate chip cookie dough.

While eggs aren’t on our off-limits list at home (because EJ grew out of that allergy several years ago), I make this cookie dough without them so the kids can eat it raw. Sure, I could make a single serving of it and call it a day, but why do that when I can bake up a batch of freshly baked cookies for later? (Lord knows after a stressful day at the doctor, chocolate chip cookies help me too.) I pray as I make the dough: that things would go well, that God would protect my kids’ bodies, minds and hearts, and that He would give me peace and confidence that all will be well, come what may.

These cookies aren’t magical, but they are a miracle in my book. Not only do they give my kids something positive to focus on (Hurray! We get to eat cookie dough!), but they are also free of the top 9 allergens (when you use soy free vegan buttery spread like I do). No egg replacers necessary. Crisp on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside–these cookies hold together like a dream.

When allergy life makes you feel like you’re falling apart, maybe these cookies will help you hold it together too.

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The Easy Way Out? or Sticky Orange Chicken (Top Allergen Free!)

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One day when my kitchen counter was uncharacteristically clean and the dinner hour was quickly approaching, I posed a question to my Instagram friends: Should I follow through on my dinner plan and cook Sticky Orange Chicken or take the easy way out and serve cereal instead?

“Cereal!” the people cried. “Give yourself a break, lady!” they screamed.

I was so far beyond exhausted that the idea of serving cereal for dinner actually sounded appealing. Talk about easy clean up. But after taking a few minutes to consider, I decided to cook the chicken anyway.

I felt pretty bratty as I zested an orange that evening, fully ignoring the call to give myself a break. I swear I heard my Insta-friends shouting, “Show off!” as I ignored their advice. Truth be told, cereal doesn’t really do it for me. I needed real food, you know? And what I really wanted was Chinese take out, or pizza delivered straight to my door, or for Joey to come home from with a bag of sloppy burgers and crispy fries–anything that would keep the kitchen clean by minimizing clean up. But those options don’t simplify dinner. If anything, they complicate it even more than homecooked allergy-friendly food.

I wanted easy, but my people needed to eat. So off to cook chicken I trudged, bad attitude in tow.

As I diced up chicken and dredged it in starch, I thought about all the women who lived on this prairie long before I did–how did they feel about having to do dinner after a long days’ work? Did they cook up cornbread and beans with a chip on their shoulder? (Probably sometimes.) But they did it anyway because if you didn’t work, you didn’t eat. Take out wasn’t a thing for them. Their idea of fast food was hard tack or dried buffalo meat.

Oof. Sautéing scallions and fresh garlic in my cushy kitchen suddenly felt luxurious.

My frustration flipped to thanksgiving in that moment of clarity. I had a well-stocked pantry with fresh, flavorful food. I have an indoor stove and a real-deal dishwasher that help lighten my dinnertime load. I have little hands learning to pitch in, and a husband who says my homecooked food is better than take out, anyway.

I saw my blessings more clearly that night. Whisking together fresh orange juice and coconut aminos is an extravagance that generations of prairie people before me couldn’t have dreamed up. My perennial nightly chore went from burden to blessing in an instant, and all my pent-up dinnertime stress melted away. Cooking felt industrious; crying about it felt indolent.

Did I still wish take out was an option? Well, sure, because I’m not a pioneer woman, and it hurts to watch the pizza delivery man deliver dinner to my neighbors and not me. But is my family better fed by the work of my hands? You bet, in more ways than one.

Food allergy life is physically demanding, emotionally exhausting and mentally taxing. Every upside-down kitchen is. Whether it’s an allergy, intolerance, autoimmune or chronic disease that renders some foods fundamentally off the table, unconventional food life places so much extra squarely on our shoulders, and it overwhelms us. Living in a time and place where convenience convinces us we deserve to take a break doesn’t help either. But when I get to that frazzled place where opting out of responsibility sounds better than orange chicken, I remind myself how easy I have it. Dinner could be corn cakes and beans cooked an open fire every night, you know?

And ok, perhaps it’s not fair to compare my cushy kitchen to pioneer life. They didn’t have food allergies to deal with (did they?). But they didn’t have electricity either, so you know, perspective. And honestly? My orange chicken isn’t even hard. It’s my heart that tends to be.

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A Gift I Didn’t Appreciate, and Almond Butter and Jelly Bars

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Oh, the nostalgia one bite of these bars brings. Peanut butter and jelly are the classic kid food fondly remembered by allergy moms everywhere, isn’t it?

The irony is I didn’t grow up eating either of them.

Well, ok, that’s sort of true. I ate my fair share of plain old peanut butter sandwiches–sometimes speckled with a slice or two of dill pickles (Don’t knock it till you try it) and I greeted most days smearing peanut butter on toast, but PB&J’s were my last resort–a punishment, almost, as that was the only other option for dinner if my brothers and I rejected what was served. My parents bought Goober Jelly — peanut butter and grape jelly all in one convenient jar–once in a while, trying hard to sell PB&J as a fun food. But PB&J’s weren’t my jam. (Pun intended.) I couldn’t stand the combination.

It wasn’t until late high school I started really enjoying them. What changed? Who knows. My taste buds, perhaps. Or it could have been my vegetarian friend who seemingly only ever ate PB&J’s or macaroni and cheese. I ate them with boysenberry jam a time or two at her house and suddenly they seemed far cooler than Goober jelly ever made them seem. Go figure.

After that, peanut butter and blackberry jam was my favorite until I was a young mom pinching pennies and buying industrial sized jars of strawberry jam at Costco. My oldest daughter spent her toddler years eating many PB&J’s with me–until Mia came along and everything changed. Peanuts and gluten went on the naughty list and PB&J’s were a gift I didn’t appreciate until our go-to lunch together became a memory. We switched to Sunflower Butter, which neither of the girls really liked, until EJ joined the brood. At that point we switched almost exclusively to almond butter and we were thankful for that one safe nut.

We’re in a season of more transition around here these days. Mia and EJ are both on track to challenge peanuts in the not-so-far future, and I feel like allergy life as we know it is changing. PB&J’s might be back on rotation in the next couple years. Other things are changing too–Addie is wrapping up Elementary school and Mia isn’t far behind her. EJ goes to school full time and I’m still adjusting to a quiet house during the day. I’m feeling so much better–physically, mentally, emotionally–and I see my own life changing in positive ways up ahead. It’s all flying by, and I’m not ok. Looking at pictures of the kids when they were super little makes me cry because I desperately miss those hard, slow days, but I’m also glad they’re over. They were complicated and hard and exhausting. But I’m not there anymore. I’m in-between, and so are the kids. It’s weird.

I’ve been spending time revisiting the earliest years of mothering lately, reminding myself what it felt like to be a young mom who knew nothing about food allergies and had to learn on the fly while dealing with the domino effect of new diagnoses. It was a lot. I found myself longing for a few precious moments with my firstborn little girl during pre-food allergy life. Sharing a simple PB&J on whole wheat bread with my sweet little Addie is something I’m only thankful for in hindsight.

But the mom I am now knows ways to satisfy that craving using ingredients the younger mom wouldn’t have known even existed, let alone known how to use. Ready to prove how far I’ve come–if only to myself– I set out to make a soft and somewhat chewy snack bar that mimicked the flavors of the nostalgic PB&J to remember where we came from and celebrate where we are now.

And the best part? Addie loves them. Mia couldn’t care less about them, but there’s something about this little snack bar that makes Addie swoon, and I think it’s because it reminds her of a simpler time when food was simple and satisfying, not complicated or worrisome, back when she got my undivided attention.

Making peace with our stories is a process of silent long-suffering. Sometimes she suffering is loud too, to be honest. Crying tears of fear and frustration come naturally when what you know and count on gets snatched out of your hands without warning. Of course you miss what you knew. Breaking up is hard to do. Nobody understands the heartache until they walk through it themselves.

The good news is we wake up one day and realize we’re still ok, don’t we? We meet new things that help heal the wounds. Our hurt scabs over and scars perhaps, but we survive. You will survive. Your non-food allergic kids will too. And you might all even be better for it, in the end.

Almond Butter and Jelly Bars prove that to me.

Maybe these bars won’t prove it to you, and that’s ok. Something will. Someday you’ll be so confident with cooking differently that you will surprise yourself with how far you’ve come. You will certainly marvel at all the other glorious food options out there ready and willing to bend to your every whim. You’ll celebrate food differently, and that’s valuable in so many ways. And you’ll find new ways to connect with your most favorite people.

Oh, the joy one bite of these bars brings for so many different, delicious reasons.

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Not Quite Carbonara, and the Easiest Bacon & Egg Pasta Skillet

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One of the most challenging things about dairy free cooking is comfort food. So much of it is laden with cream and cheese, and truly: dairy free alternatives don’t do the real thing justice. But for those of us beleaguered by the unfortunate turn of events that says sayonara dairy, I have fantastic news: we can make a poor man’s rendition of creamy, comforting carbonara in under 30 minutes.

The idea for this recipe came from the cover of a fancy food magazine–you know the type: the ones featuring the sorts of recipes your single self just knew you would serve on the regular: things like Shaved Spanish Ham and Gruyere Galettes, Pappardelle with Arugula, Prosciutto and Pine Nuts; or Spatchcock Chicken with Chimmichurri. I rarely pay those magazines any attention these days in an effort to protect my still-fragile heart that misses the days I could cook anything at all.

But this recipe featured bacon and eggs and noodles–three safe, classic ingredients my irregular kitchen can handle. Mixing the three of them together didn’t make much sense, exactly, but the combinations in my kitchen rarely make sense. So I filed the idea away with a gulp and a prayer that someday my gluten free version of a bacon and egg pasta dish would make my family swoon.

That prayer was answered, people. This dish was a hit.

So ok, we still prefer bacon and eggs for breakfast, but this pasta is on point. Gluten free noodles lathered in silky, eggy sauce and dotted with crispy pieces of bacon, topped with chopped eggs and parsley? Definitely dairy free comfort food. If the idea of chopped eggs on hot pasta makes you think twice? I get that. Try topping your pile of noodles with an egg cooked over easy instead (or skip the egg on top all together. The pasta is delicious with the simple silky sauce and bacon).

It’s not quite carbonara, but it sure is an easy, satisfying substitute.

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Always Hungry, and Homestyle Hamburger Soup

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Cool weather finally showed up on our doorstep and no one was as delighted to greet it as I was. Trading shorts and salads for sweaters and soup pots is the best part of the year, in my book.

bed of white petaled flower

Cold weather always makes me hungry. I don’t know why, exactly, but I blame soup. Soup does more than fuel my body; it warms my bones. Once I start slurping, I almost can’t stop. It’s a matter of cold weather survival around here.

Chunky sweaters are part of the deal of Midwestern life, of course, but if I had to pick between hearty soups or trendy fall fashion? Soup would win every time. Cozying up with a bowl of it while dressed in leggings and an oversized sweatshirt does the trick too.

If I had to choose a favorite soup (and thank God I do not have to do so), Hamburger Soup might be my pick. It tastes like home to me. My mom made it all the time when I was young. She still does, I think. Don’t most moms have a version they serve on the regular? Gluten free, allergy life didn’t throw a kink in this familiar recipe, and I’m so thankful for that because it’s a dinner that connects our family table to the one I sat at when I was a child. We didn’t have food restrictions in our house when I was growing up, and yet I can’t recall a day when my mom’s version of this was served with a swirl of cream before serving. Simplicity makes this soup a star. Ground beef, onions, carrots and celery, and potatoes are almost all you need.

Well ok, you need beef broth too. And tomato sauce and Worcestershire sauce too, but this soup forgives you if you’ve got to leave them out. It’s flexible and fast and filling. If you’re cold and hungry and soup sounds ideal? Cook up buns for biscuits and stir up a pot of Hamburger soup. It’s not fancy, and that’s why I love it. I can cozy up with a bowl of it in under 40 minutes.

Simple and satisfying, this one tastes like home.

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